The English, How She is Spoke.

Nobie has been incredibly busy this past week with back to back interpreting jobs, often keeping her on the road, and Stewart has been working to get the Johnson Language Institute, their language school, ready for the start of the school year next week. As they’ve been busy, I have taken the opportunity to wander around and explore not only the Kumamoto downtown area, but also the suburban neighborhood the Johnsons live in.

This past Friday afternoon, I even made my first solo restaurant visit. I can hear the oohs and aahs right now. In all honesty, I do have to admit that I hedged my bets by going to a place named ‘Breakers Café and Surf Shop’ and which had some English written on the chalkboard outside. Inside it was an American style looking café where you order at the counter and have your food delivered to your table. I had been practicing my Japanese the entire train ride into town and I felt almost prepared for whatever the young woman at the register could throw at me. That was until the conversation actually began.

I started off with a simple ‘Hajimemashite’ – a very polite way of saying hello and after what I assume was a long, but polite greeting on her part, I trotted out my familiar ‘Sumimasen ga, watashi no nihongo wa yoku ni.’ – meaning “Excuse me, but my Japanese is very poor.” But before I could launch into my long rehearsed routine, basically asking her for whatever the special of the day was, the girl interrupted me to say that she knew a little English. Unfortunately, it turned out we were both overestimating our language skills. Thankfully, with a lot of pointing to the menu – which did have some English translations on it – and even more patience on the young girl’s part, I ended up with a ham, cheese, and egg bagel sandwich with french fries and a coke. It was very good, though the sandwich had a lot more lettuce and sprouts on it than one would expect in America as well as mayonnaise, which seems to be ever-present in lots of Japanese cuisine. I deemed this one a success, however, and vow to find a restaurant with no English translations next time. Shouldn’t be that hard, actually.

Observing English usage in Japan is an interesting and often frustrating pastime, I must admit. I see English quite often on store signs and t-shirts. It’s rarely English as you and I know it, though. To give one example, there are shops all over Kumamoto advertising themselves as ‘cut houses’ which sound like butcher shops to me. One even said, ‘Cut – Parm Shop.’ I thought maybe it was a place to buy cheese. Not even close. They are beauty salons. They ‘cut’ hair. And apparently ‘parm’ is really ‘perm’ as in ‘permanent.’ Salons are also known by the slightly more understandable label of ‘hair-make shops.’

Another odd observation I’ve had is that often the only English on a store sign full of Japanese is the ‘Est. in 2002’ as if that’s the really important part to someone who only speaks English. In fact, almost all stores have a ‘born on’ date on their storefront even if it’s only a few years old and it’s always in English. I have no idea why.

Stewart’s favorite sign in English, or rather the bane of his existence as he must confront it almost daily on his way to the school is a sign for a strip mall, which is apparently called, “Big the Big.” It’s in huge blue letters and simply impossible to ignore. And every time we pass, I can’t help but wonder what it means. It’s as if my brain simply refuses to believe that it is meaningless. I'm convinced that fifty years from now I’ll realize just how deep it really is.

Different from the dilemma ‘Big the Big’ poses, I find that T-shirts provide the best examples of the English language at it’s most peculiar. I saw one the other day that said, ‘Let the golden moonbeams fill your mind.’ Another one said, ‘A gift from all of your furry forest friends.’ Now, if I saw these in America, I would simply think they are being purposefully whimsical and not think anything more about it. Here, I constantly wonder if they really understand what it says or if they just like the way it looks, which I suppose if perfectly valid, though maddening.

It does strengthen my stance against Chinese character tattoos, however, or really any tattoo in a language one is not fluent in. Who knows how many people are walking around with a tattoo they think says ‘wild at heart’ when it really means ‘soup in the kitchen’ or ‘dud in the bedroom’ or worse.

So many t-shirts are covered in perfectly grammatical English, and yet none of the phrases or sentences really seems to have any connection to the next. I am constantly reading and re-reading them to see if I am simply missing something or not thinking profoundly enough.

On the food front, I am now a proficient at making homemade fried rice, of which I am very proud. I have tried steamed bamboo shoots, which have very little flavor. And I had perhaps the best tempura I have ever had at a cramped, cheap little place just off Shimotori that you have to get your own water or tea from a tap in the back corner of the shop. The food was delicious.

Fingers crossed on the job front. I’ve also checked into taking some free Japanese lessons at the Kumamoto International Center.

Coming next: The poor man’s Reno. You heard me. Reno.

- Jenny